COLUMN: Beer-Bike presents infinite possibilities for variation
This is the immortal event that truly defines Rice -- more than Spanish Mediterranean styles or gleefully frolicking co-eds decked out in shaving cream. Beer-Bike represents all the frustrated academic and social anxieties that mark our day-to-day lives.
Parents, recounting to co-workers and friends back home, are full of stories of academic prestige, outstanding SAT scores, beautiful architecture and all the rest. Some can become confused or downright hostile when the fact comes up that Rice has a wet campus (I think sloshed is the appropriate term). This should be expected for a school whose slogan could be considered "Suck the bitch dry!"
Beer-Bike has transcended a mere sporting event. It has grown into a grand and glorious spectacle -- a day-long exhibition of our inhibitions.
Air-raid sirens, Everclear watermelons, Hell's Angels, fire trucks, dozens of DeLoreans, The Warpig, vandalism, random violence, property damage, blasting stacks, flying water (yeah, right) balloons, cars and every conceivable extravagant display of college spirit demonstrative of a university not lacking in motive, drive or riotous fervor that some might think of as properties belonging to previous classes.
The broad scope of our celebration makes Beer-Bike so much more than a simple contest. Given the fact that the outcome is almost always predetermined, some participating teams have taken to engineering a new competition: who will succeed in being the very last team to cross the finish line, or who will come up with the most creative way yet to get disqualified from the race?
Usually, the GSA provided the answer to questions like this; in recent years, Sid Richardson College has taken up this challenge, adhering to the principle that -- even though the opponent may be faster, stronger, even bionic -- it is possible to compete with something nobody else has: verve.
Take as examples the Ironman event of 1991, an idea borrowed from The Revenge of the Nerds, where riders managed to finish though each rode and chugged. Take 1992, in which Sid bikers narrowly lost the race because they cheated and tried to get lapped a few times without anybody looking.
Consider 1993, when everybody was so drunk that no one realized that a race was going on. I can't wait for the year when some avant-garde nut gets the campy idea of riding the race in reverse! Yuk! Yuk!
The scope of Beer-Bike is large enough to encompass the Hercules, Dionysiuses and Elleguas of the campus. It is something for everybody -- even volunteers in dorky-colored security shirts.
The students of Rice should be continually asking themselves, "What can be done to make Beer-Bike even more memorable?" From demonstrative events like Tea-Trike to the embarrassingly stifled Race (a twist on Beer-Bike consisting of mountain-bike riders who chug their own malt canceled due to possible "danger"), we have found expressive means of celebrating the idea that Beer-Bike means so much to our community.
Some have suggested spin-offs that include a competition between the different years of the School of Architecture, an event I lovingly term Coffee-Cigarette, in which studios compete in a relay consisting of chugging a hot mug of coffee and smoking three cigarettes in succession -- an event for true die-hards.
More health conscious enthusiasts would enjoy some event utilizing roller blades and V-8, while the sexually inclined could consider a relay involving roller-blades and K-Y jelly. (Can we say condom sponsorships?)
I, personally, will be impressed when BB features the overhead presence of the Goodyear blimp, though I would settle for a Pink Floyd blimp any day. Or how about some college hiring a fire-fighting helicopter for aerial douching?
The possibilities are endless. Take everything you can think of and bring it to this year's race. Get staggeringly drunk, sport your college colors, go forth and do battle with your enemies, have a great time (don't forget your sunscreen) and try not to get so drunk that you pass out before you get a chance to crash Rondelet! Enjoy.
Chris Thomas is a Sid Richardson College senior.
This item appeared in the Opinion section of the March 18, 1994 issue.
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