Welcome Class o' 1999 to Gestapo Week

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THERE WILL BE NO DISTURBING CHANTS, DAMMIT! COMPLIMENTS OF THE STUDENT CENTER.

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Ryan Bates, Wiess Coordinator,

Speaking to advisors about sinful beverages.

"If an institution matriculates too often, its walls grow ivy and its president goes blind."

Third floor bathroom stall, Fondren Library.

"Fighting for peace is like fucking for virgins."

Jacque Etlelepou, Harmonica playing bald guy under the Eiffel Tower.

"Remember, when you fight Carolyn `Shang Tsung' Gill and the Honor Council, you face not one, but a legion of adversaries."

Kitana to Liu Kang in Mortal Kouncil.

"Move three seats to your right if your happy to see big stinkin' Marty Makulski gone forever (every upperclassmen should move right now)."

Rick Lopez, Jones College President.

"I have no legs. I have no legs ... "

Raymond, Brooklyn subway rider

from the movie Kids.

Four hundred seventy-three is a large number. It is also the number of times that we have struggled through O-Week discourses on "free thinking" and making you "safe for ideas." At the same time many of these mindful liberators shackle you because of the solemn nature of tradition. Is it me or is John Hutchison the only one out there who acknowledged this week that change is a on-going part of tradition? So yell a little. Paint your face Baker-red. Clap at inappropriate times. Have the time of your life that everyone keeps promising. If you think that this is evil and immature, check out The History of Student Life at Rice University, published by Patricia Martin a few years back. It outlines many of those traditions that were not "safe" for Rice freshpeople. When you hear the Rice lore, it is not about artificial solemness; but the ingenuity behind turning Willy around or saving John Hunter's ass.

Speaking of ass ... that Gillis guy is a bad ass. Cool swimming party after matriculation, ese . [[exclamdown]]Y muy buenas tardes!

So if you think something is lame, tell us. Be clever. Don't take anything at face value. Analyze it until it no longer makes sense. Do a good job and get published. The Backpage is one of a few safety nets for ideas around here. To paraphrase Maryana the Great, if you aren't living, you are either dead or on your way there. And if your misclass doesn't suck--submit it.

Packy, Kos & Sparkles

Your Good Luvin' BPEs

This item appeared in the Backpage section of the August 25, 1995 issue.

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