COLUMN: Drinking does not necessarily make one a drunk idiot

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by Chris Ciompi

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First, I do not think that everyone drinks just to get drunk -- an assumption the author made throughout his advice column. Taking that assumption into account, I will reply with the same assumed falsehood.

"Don't drink and drive." The reason Rice is a wet campus is to avoid exactly this dangerous criminal behavior. The author's statement: "Myth: in order to obtain alcohol at Rice, (one) must be at least 21 ..." is in direct conflict with this first reason he gives on why drinking can hurt one's social life.

It is possible for minors to drink here so that they will only have to walk around like a "somnambulant land-lubber on a tempest tossed ship" rather than drive like a drunk asshole and kill himself or someone else.

So in reply to the author's second piece of wisdom "Don't drink and walk," well, walking drunk saves lives in my book. Sorry, but I'd rather see a drunk person walking around than driving around.

"Don't drink and talk." Last time I checked, becoming honest was not the deplorable thing the author implied. Now, I think I see what he is saying -- that some statements a drunk person makes can go against the social code of etiquette.

Screw the code. This is college. Relax the rules a little. My God, Emily Post has been dead for some time now. If some inebriated jerk wants to come on to someone else, let him. It's really not your problem.

Now, for my favorite tidbit on how not to ruin my social life: "Don't drink and think." I really do not believe that anyone will be "investing in mutual funds" at about, oh say 8, 9, 10, 11 or 12 at night, considering two salient facts.

First, no drunk person could give a flying %#$% about mutual funds. Second, the market closes at 4 p.m.

Wait a minute, did the author really say "don't think"? Surely not, because if someone who is drunk is not thinking, he will get into his car and drive -- something I know the author advises against.

Overall, I cannot emphasize enough that some people do not just drink to get drunk, but those that occasionally do go past their body's limit deal with being drunk in different ways.

Not everyone becomes socially inept (although many do). But again, college is a time for social experimentation. It's four years of consequential freedom. By that I mean one is free to make mistakes, and sometimes there will be consequences.

To the author: Well, I've read your advice and I think that there are some fine points that you make, but the way in which you have made them turns off the reader. No one likes being lectured to. I mean, did you enjoy reading this letter?

This item appeared in the Opinion section of the September 15, 1995 issue.

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