Your mama's so dumb she could be an O.J. Simpson juror

---

"Do you go by length or by width? I'm a length kind of guy."

-- Bob Truscott

Then he must have a really long penis. Good one .

"Why do you put all this "reasoning faith" shit in the paid ads? "Reasoning Christian" is an oxymoron, like "jumbo shrimp", "military intelligence" and "moderate Republican". I don't care if the SOB did graduate from Rice in '84. If he's a Christian, he's an idiot and so is everyone who goes there. Refund their money and take their ad out."

Oh, you oh-so-cool-atheist. Your lack of tolerance and narrow mindedness make me vomit. Please leave this school.

"She likes it up the rear."

My neighbor, Chris, who is fourteen and steals Parliament cigarettes from Eckerd's would think this is funny. Go away.

"Heads or Tails." -- partial credit on the cryobank exam.

Huh? Try using verbs to clarify your sentences.

"I'm going to do it until I die or he comes."

Oh wait, now I get it. The word "come" can be interpreted two ways. One as having an orgasm, one as the act of arriving somewhere. Maybe Rice students are devilishly clever.

"He (Hutchinson) gives retribution points at the end of the semester."

-- Chem 101 student after the first exam

Funny and so- " Family Circus" like .

"9.4641025641*10^-115! That's not a number!"

-- Said by a student doing MSCI 301 homework

Nowhere on the face of this earth are geeks encouraged more than Rice. I might have to beat you savavgely if we ever meet.

"Are you guys laughing at my nipples again?"

"No, I'm definitely a one-hole woman."

Someone who never took Sex. Ed.

"Why should I drink something I don't like?"

"'cause your boyfriend likes it..."

Submitted by Same Person

"And now, I've lost my nut!"

-- Dr. Dunning, Physics 101 on Fri., Sept. 15th.

Which nut?

"People are happy a lot, when they're not being killed."

-- Overheard in Huma 103 discussion section

"That's the meat, or if your a vegetarian, the broccoli that we've done so far."

-- Dr. Yi, Econ 375

"In New Zealand the ratio of sheep to people is nine to one, so they really must know how to do their sheep."

-- Dr. Yi, Econ 375

"The Board of Governors would never stick a thumb up your ass."

-- Our beloved editor in chief

"Nobody loves me except my mother, and she might be jibing me too."

-- B.B. King

"Are you a whore?"

-- Rugby player's first approach to a freshman girl at a recent party.

"My friend here is a senior; I think you should pay attention to his advnaces."

Same girl, same stupid rugby player with the frat hat, no memory and small penis.

This item appeared in the Backpage section of the October 6, 1995 issue.

Copyright © 1996 The Rice Thresher. All Rights Reserved.
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