Unsexy `Jade' lacks continuity, flops despite strong cast
Almost, but not quite.
Jade seemed to offer much more than Showgirls ever did. Even without the latter's promise of "sex, tits and violence," Jade showed signs of genuine worthiness.
Not the least of these signs was the presence of Linda Fiorentino (cheated out of an Oscar nomination for last year's spectacular The Last Seduction ). And her matchup with Chazz Palminteri, himself a nominee for his excellent performance in Woody Allen's Bullets Over Broadway , seemed to indicate this movie was destined to be something more than forgettable Hollywood trash.
Unfortunately, Jade disappoints on all levels, with the two stars shooting blanks as a married couple with problems.
David Caruso is here too; I guess he's the hero. And there's Richard Crenna ( Rambo's Colonel Troutman) as a slimy politician caught with his pants off.
There's some kind of plot as well; I can't be sure, but I think it concerns videotaped prostitution and scandals, with an ending twist positively mind-numbing in its lameness.
None of this matters, however, because in Jade , Eszterhas really steals from one of his own scripts, Basic Instinct . And why not? It was certainly his least uninteresting and most successful; but you've seen this all before.We've got a hard-boiled cop, an alluring suspect, the Basic Instinct interrogation scene replayed (with the same no-smoking gag), tons of unsexy sex footage and random "kinky" references to ben-wa balls and strap-ons.
It's painfully obvious that Eszterhas gets off on female bisexuality, sex toys and sexual violence. But this flick isn't exotic or erotic; it's just boring. We can imagine Eszterhas leering off-screen as we get to see a nude, dead woman or as we see Richard Crenna engaging in coitus one too many times.
Eszterhas is incapable of realistic dialogue, and he exacerbates this weakness by attempting humor. As when a female cop rebuffs a colleague by offering him a butt plug: "They're designed for the perfect asshole."
Most surprising about Jade is that superfly action director William Friedkin ( The French Connection , To Live and Die in L.A. ) presents us such an uninvolving narrative. His visual flare is keen, and he shows us some lovely images, especially the opening tracking shot of a murder scene.
But Fiorentino's sex scenes, perhaps intended to be steamy, look like that videotape Rob Lowe made at the '88 Democratic Convention.
Despite Friedkin's intermittent style, Jade could be called Basic Instinct 2: This Time It Really Sucks . From the cars careening through the air over San Francisco hilltops to the good and bad guys playing racquetball together, I defy you to find anything interesting in Jade .
This item appeared in the Arts & Entertainment section of the October 27, 1995 issue.
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