LETTER: EQ has nothing to do with success

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by Mitch Hollberg

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Last week's extensive coverage of "E.Q." (the emotional intelligence factor) was of particular interest to me. You see, as a young child I was chosen to be a subject of Salovey and Mayer (the psychologists who coined the term "Emotional Intelligence") in one of their earliest experiments.

I was given a single marshmallow and was told that I would be given a second marshmallow if I could refrain from eating the first while the doctor ran some errands.

I promptly devoured my marshmallow and hid behind the door. When Dr. Salovey returned, I leapt from behind the door and bit his leg, causing him to drop the bag of marshmallows.

I screamed obscenities and accused him of molesting me in order to keep him at bay while I gluttonously devoured the entire 32 ounce bag of Kraft Stay-Puft marshmallows.

I have recounted the preceding story to explain why I write you today, which is to state that Mayer and Salovey's finding that "[EQ is] a better indicator of future success than IQ", is a bunch of crap.

Everything that I have achieved in this world stands as a testament to the power of crushing those around me. If I can't spit in someone's face, I stab them in the back.

Today, as has been the case throughout history, being an as-hole has been the fastest and most effective method of attaining power and influencing people.

I wouldn't be surprised if the aggregate EQ's of Saddam Hussein, Hitler, Mussolini, Castro and Khadafy didn't surpass that of a cantankerous ferret, but each of these men possessed immense power. Meanwhile, a pleasant, congenial old man like Captain Kangaroo (possessing, one would assume, a very high EQ) has had his show relegated to a 4:30 a.m. time slot on the USA network.

If I have learned anything from Melrose Place, it is that the suffering of another human being, even if I derive no direct benefit from this suffering, counts as a relative gain for me.

The film "Showgirls" taught me that kicking one's "superior" down a flight of steps will always result in a promotion.

Meanwhile, Mayer and Salovey would like to have us believe that EQ, the measure of one's ability to "empath[ize] for others," is a good thing.

This belief ignores the fact that empathizing with others directly interferes with one's ability to act solely out of avarice, self-promotion and malice, all traits which have taken innumerable people so far in this world.

To summarize, I would like to point out that social interaction is an overrated skill in a world where the true definition of success is to be the last one standing when the smoke clears. Even if you don't succeed in destroying all of those around you, it is still possible to take pride in the fact that one is a "success" at being a consummate as-hole.

Mitch Hollberg

WRC '97

This item appeared in the Opinion section of the October 27, 1995 issue.

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