A La Posada, pues vamos

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PACKY IS ABOUT TO TURN 21 AND BUY SOME ALCOHOLIC MISCLASS

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-- Dr.Yi, Econ 375. Hey Dr.Yi, thanks for being a good sport this semester.

"Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight."

-- Phyllis Diller.

"The bonfire put on a better show than the cheerleaders!"

-- Houston Firefighter.

"The play was a great success, but the audience was a disaster."

-- Oscar Wilde.

"These are my Barbie's; they're fun, and their heads pull off real easily too!"

-- Phoebe Gildea, Jones RA.

"I hate this class. There are formulas for everything."

-- Travis Hopp, on CENG 390.

A: "So, did you register for anything interesting next semester?"

B: "Yeah, I have `Sex with Chad' in the afternoons."

C: "Chad who?"

B: "Chad Gordon ..."

C: "Haven't heard of him. Who is he?"

B: "Chad Gordon, the prof. Hello?"

C: "WHAT? Isn't that an Honor Code violation?"

B: "HELL NO! The course Sex with Chad. SOCI 386. Professor Chad Gordon. What were you thinking?

C: "I don't know ... a little extra credit maybe?"

Fa-la-la-la-la. This is really funny. Wait, don't tell me, you're a freshman? Would've never guessed.

"A committee is a cul-de-sac down which ideas are lured and then quietly strangled."

-- Barnett Cocks.

"You're never gonna get head for nothing."

-- Dr. Derek Dyson on centrifugal pumps, CENG 401.

"Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them."

-- James Baldwin.

"It is only rarely that one can see in a little boy the promise of a man, but one can almost always see in a little girl the threat of a woman."

-- Alexandre Dumas.

"How do you look when I'm sober?"

-- Ring Lardner Jr.

"Dear Mary, we all knew you had it in you."

-- Dorothy Parker.

"Won't you come into the garden? I would like my roses to see you."

-- Richard Brinsley Sheridan.

"I consider farting the most enjoyable thing in life."

-- Overheard by "Doc Snehal-funk," the supply-siding DJ.

"I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said, `no.'"

-- Woody Allen.

"Once: a philosopher; twice: a pervert!"

-- Voltaire, upon declining an invitation to a second orgy in two nights.

"The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent full of doubt."

-- Bertrand Russell.

"I really didn't say everything I said."

-- Yogi Berra.

-- see MISCLASS , page 16

Misclass

"Men have swords, not women."

-- Dr. Steward, HUMA 101.

"Who has the sword now?"

-- Dr. Steward.

"His sword no longer works."

-- Dr. Steward.

"His sword has a name."

-- Student in Steward's class.

"I am free of all predjudice. I hate everyone equally."

-- W.C. Fields.

If all be true that I do think,

There are five reasons why we should drink;

Good wine -- a friend -- or being dry --

Or lest we should be by and by --

Or any other reason why.

-- Dean Aldrich.

"It's an ad for sex oil on the street. I bought a gallon of it."

-- Dr. Rick Smith, HUMA 111, Intro to Asian Civilizations.

"I have never let my schooling interfere with my education."

-- Mark Twain.

"Keeping up with the Joneses was a full-time job with my mother and father. It was not until many years later when I lived alone that I realized how much cheaper it was to drag the Joneses down to my level."

-- Quentin Crisp.

"My dear child, you must believe in God in spite of what the clergy tell you."

--Benjamin Jowett.

"It's hard to be funny when you have to be clean."

-- Mae West.

This item appeared in the Backpage section of the December 8, 1995 issue.

Copyright © 1996 The Rice Thresher. All Rights Reserved.
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