EDITORIAL: NEW YEAR'S

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`Thresher' suggests Rice resolutions.

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* Offer better course choices and times. Don't raise our hopes by offering a class and then cancelling it, especially over and over again. My dog ate the professor is not a valid excuse any more.

* Improve the quality of Central Kitchen food; oops, we guess we should be realistic. (See above. But we don't want to eat the dog.)

* Lie, cheat, steal, do whatever it takes to make us regain the top ranking in Money ; of course, we could do it the honest, old-fashioned way by limiting tuition increases, but that would be just too easy.

* Make meal plan money carry into the next semester. Yes, we understand that CK must not go too deep in the red, but this university conveniently controls the Southwest region in computing, tobacco, oil, etc. We can spare a few dollars somewhere -- at least in places that make sense. (Read: Thanks for repainting the stripes on the road all the time. It sure is confusing for us dumb folk to walk across campus without the lines pearly white.)

* Develop a conscience; adopt a politically "consciously" correct investment policy; don't invest in companies that kill Americans (tobacco corporations, suppliers of CK food, etc.).

* A little resolution for students/faculty, especially those engaged in the athlete/non-athlete debate. Wake up! In much the same way that it amuses us that we attend a prominent engineering university that just can't quite master the sidewalk, we can't understand why the same Rice people who say we need to raise admissions standards for athletes also say that we don't have a really successful athletic program right now and that we should have one. Raising standards is going to solve the problem? OxyMoron alert.

* Just as a little hint, when you have employees that you think are ineffective, you are allowed to say, "You're fired." Those are two small words used by the rest of the world since the rest of the world doesn't have the money to relocate an entire administrative department or office everytime a person is considered to be insufficient. This makes three "resignations" in the last year, at least of people we know about. To review: It's "You're fired," not "You're relocated" or "Fired you're."

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