Bullock, Leary earn one star if by land, `Two if by Sea'
Since Two if by Sea bills itself as a romantic comedy, it can only be chalked up as a complete failure. It doesn't succeed in producing the sparks that make a decent romance, and its comedy only provides minor chuckles.
It's not that the movie is boring, it's just very unexciting. You won't hate it, nor will you like it. It will leave you feeling exactly the same as when you came in; it's the feel-nothing movie of the season.
The story centers around Frank (Dennis Leary), a small-time thief, and his girlfriend Ross (Sandra Bullock) who are trying to pull off the heist of their lives: stealing a $4 million Matisse painting. Ross hopes that it will be Frank's ticket out of thievery and into a normal life, but Frank sees this as the first step toward bigger things.
However, they botched the getaway and are forced to flee prematurely to the drop-off point, a residential island off of Rhode Island. There, they find a house whose inhabitants are on vacation and pose as friends who dropped in while they were out.
Because of their conflicting plans for the future, Frank and Ross' relationship starts getting rocky, and a local playboy moves in on Ross to take advantage of the situation. Meanwhile, Frank's boss and his half-witted stooges try to get to the island through an odd variety of stolen vehicles, giving the FBI an easy trail to follow.
As I said, the primary reason that this movie fails to entertain is because it lacks both the comedy and romance that it promises. Dennis Leary and Sandra Bullock just do not make a good romantic pair; each might do well with another partner, but in this movie, the sparks aren't there.
As for comedy, the only relief we get is from the boss and his bumbling goons and from a teenager who terrorizes Frank much like the paperboy in Better Off Dead . These are all fine and good, but they're far from great. And since Leary isn't really given a chance to be funny in his romantic role, there isn't much to laugh at.
The movie does have a basically good storyline that manages to carry the viewer through the entire thing. There are even a couple of plot twists (though they're pretty pred- ictable) here and there to keep us awake.
So much about this movie could have been very funny and even romantic in the hands of a better screenwriter and/or director. If there's anything to be mad at this movie for, it's that the directors wasted so much time and film on something so dry.
Other than that, you'll probably neither like nor hate Two if by Sea (the title is never explained in the movie, by the way). But if you feel like completely vegging for an hour and a half, this is definitely the movie for you. Just realize that staring at a wall might provide the same effect for free.
This item appeared in the Arts & Entertainment section of the January 26, 1996 issue.
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