Poetry abounds Misclass

---

Ode to a Foolish Carnivore

Those "egyptian" cattle that you so adore

Take revenge on the foolish young carnivore

For tasty gristle and savory meat

Contain pesticides and hormones the poor cows must eat

You've not heard of bioaccumulation, I'd wager

Since you are a no-account Math/Econ major

But it means that those cows you so often ingest

Have eaten the grass that has been sprayed for pests

And they store their tissues on a life time of toxins

Which you consume in your burgers of oxen

It accumulates in your flesh and is more concentrated

Than it was in that delicated brisket you ated.

And since you question the value of greens

And vital antioxidants found in carrots and beans,

I'll tell you, young glutton, and you won't like the answer

You're a prime candidate for most types of cancer

So enjoy those ribs and delight in those steaks

But I'll laugh when that clogged vital artery breaks

I won't ask you to change and I won't interfere

You are eating your doom and doomsday is near

Know this, my young glutton, those cows that you mock

Are aware of your folly and are watching around the clock.

--Woman from Wiess '97

Nuts to you again, Munford.

"I don't know about you,but when I see some of those fancy cars in the faculty lot, and then I see Steve Klineberg in that beat up old orange Toyota, I feel kinda good."

-- Dr. Soligo ECON, 430.

"Hey, if you're gonna get a martini, bring me one."

-- Dick Massey, ELEC 342 lab, after being asked if drinks were allowed in lab.

"A Roman lady at her toilet?"

-- Sexually deprived Thresher section editor reading one of the SOCI 386 textbooks.

People around here have real problems .

Test your knowledge of semi-religous issues

1. If the world's most common first name is Mohammed and the most common last name is Chang then how many people are named Mohammed Chang?

2. Is beef jerky kosher for Passover?

3. True or False? Before hip replacement surgery, the Pope was an avid downhill skier.

4. The Catholic Church admitted that it was wrong in calling Galileo a heretic in what year(within 20 years)?

5. Do lies make baby Jesus cry?

6. True or False? Marvin Zindler was fired from the Vatican press corps for exposing "slime in the baptismal font".

7. If you were eating la papa del Papa then what would you be eating?

8. If you are on the verge of spiritual enlightenment and have to pee, what do you do?

9. Which better demonstrates morality: giving $1000 to help feed and clothe poor children or spending a thousands on two thirty-second spots advertising your church during the Superbowl?

Answers

1. None. It just doesn't make sense.

2. If the jerky making process is overseen by a rabbi and in accordance with kosher law, then sure.

3. 100% true. The pope was a skiing maniac.

4. 1992

5. Sometimes

6. False, but I wish it were true.

7. The pope's potato.

8. Duh, you hold it.

9. Yes, if you belong to Lakewood Church.

This item appeared in the Backpage section of the February 2, 1996 issue.

Copyright © 1996 The Rice Thresher. All Rights Reserved.
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