BPEs defeat Iskander!

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Salute your leader

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Editors note: Sick of cheesy election schtick? Don't read the other blurbs, ignore the flyers and take the BPE challenge. Read OUR write-in blurbs and then decide who should spend that blanket tax money next year.

SA President:

BPEs (Past and present)

Why us? It comes down to the number six. The election ballot will have six choices next week. So why not add another candidate cluster? As there are six BPEs currently enrolled at Rice, we suggest us. Forget co-presidents, try the SA presidential sextet. Don't hate us because we're beautiful, hate us for running.

Eric Stotts (BPE '93-'94): Practically a Rice legend.

Amy Ferranti (BPE '94-'95): Dating Ian Graham -- practically on the baseball team.

Adam Richardson (BPE '94-'95): Dating Josie Gill -- practically on the Honor Council

Sparkles Koshy (BPE '95-'96): Fifth-year -- practically graduated.

Kos Koslow (BPE '95-'96): Once crippled -- practically recovered.

Packy Saunders (BPE '95-'96): Free margaritas? Practically thirsty.

SA Treasurer:

Neel Sandeep Patel

Money, money, money. It is not just a song, but a lifestyle. Pavan told me that. That is why I would like to serve as Tresurer of this organization.

You can be confident that I will take care of the money. I like the money. So what if I never got credit for ACCO 305? I was in it for a couple of weeks but I had to drop. I did play a few games of squash with Zeff, though. I think that should count for something.

Money has been good to me. I would like an opportunity to be good back to money. So when you vote on Tuesday, just remember Neel for SA Treasurer.

RPC President:

Winnie Cooper and Arnold Jackson

Some people say that we are wasting our time running in a pair for Co-Presidents of the RPC. Other people have told us that we are wasting our time running for an RPC office. We would like to address these issues.

First things first, last year was the so-called "Year of the Co-Candidate" at Rice. We are a year late for this sneaky campaigning technique, but we're not Ryan Levy.

Second, we aren't wasting our time by running for RPC office. In reality we are wasting your time.

Elect us and we will treat the whole campus to Papa John's pizza courtesy of our blanket tax money. Then we will just ask for a share of the new $10 blanket tax.

So when you vote on Tuesday, remember Winnie Cooper and Arnold Jackson for RPC President.

Honor Council, Junior Rep

Cole Monton

You do not know me, but I know you. They took DNA from old Reps, implanted a chip and made me, Cole Monton, the Honor Council prototype of the future.

It is not a question of qualifications. Question me and pay the price. Why? Because I am one of five candidates running for four spots. I could give you a statistical analysis of my chances of winning, but that would be cheating. Let's just say I am confident.

Want to know me better? Then take my quiz. You have five minutes. Do not forget to sign the pledge.

True or False?

1) Members of the Honor Council must only date other members of the Honor Council.

2) Exceptions can be made to the previous rule if the person a council member is dating runs for an Honor Council position in the next election, granting the datee a twelve-month probationary term in which they must cut all social ties to non-Honor Council members.

3) Honor Council members are not bound by the alcohol policy as long as a member of the council is the host.

4) Trials are registered (just like SA meetings).

5) We should have mandatory academic-fraud testing in which random names are selected by my computer brain and then subjected to a polygraph.

6) I have infrared/x-ray vision and can detect any aid given or received just by looking at your test materials.

7) OmBudsmen really prefer Miller Genuine Draft.

8) Sarah Connor?

9) Backpage editors may taunt the council with infantile jabs, but if they ever get accused, their ass is grass.

And when you vote on Tuesday, remember Cole Monton, 133 Mhz of Honor Council experience.

Answers: All are true.

U Court:

Geoff Imbibin

Hey, remember me? I like beer! You probably know me better as "Cooter." I watched the Dukes of Hazzard so much that everyone started calling me "Rosco P. Coltrain." Then it became "Daisy" and then it became "Bo" and then it became "Uncle Jesse" and then it became "Luke" and then "Boss Hogg" and then "Crazy Cooter." My mom is a prof here and she told me that I should drop the "Crazy" part. So now I am just Cooter.

1) I am destined to be a Rice legend. I need some office. But legends die with overkill, so after hearing Kirk Johnston's story, I now fear overexposure. That is why I want a U Court seat. I can be a politico and still lay low. How many U Court cases can there be anyway? I like beer.

2) I am destined to be in a U Court hearing soon. Do you want me in front of the bench or behind it?

Either way you look at it, I am a man of destiny and I like beer. When you vote on Tuesday, remember Cooter for U Court.

This item appeared in the Backpage section of the February 23, 1996 issue.

Copyright © 1996 The Rice Thresher. All Rights Reserved.
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