COLUMN: Milk -- it does your body, image good

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by Gerald Falchook

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CONGRATULATIONS, YOU milk-hating Americans. Your days of guilt and shame are numbered.

For your entire life, your mothers have been telling you to drink your milk.

Since the time you first began watching Sesame Street , your parents have chastened you for not getting your daily dose of healthy, cold milk.

They threatened to punish you by sending you to bed early by rebuffing your appeals to play with your G.I. Joes and Transformers (or Ken, Barbie and My Little Pony, as the case may be) and with other grueling and tortuous ordeals.

And they weren't the only ones who persecuted you for your milk-related beliefs.

Perhaps your milk-loving friends scorned you for your prejudice against this bovine white liquid.

They made fun of you in elementary school when you were the only kid not drinking milk.

And even today you have self-conscious doubts about milk. You may worry about developing brittle bones or a pallid complexion.

You possess a fear that your inadequate milk consumption thwarts your sexual prowess.

Fear not, young milk rejection-ists, your day has come.

Doctors are declaring war on the irresponsible widespread consumption of milk in this country.

A growing number of physicians, especially allergists and gastroenterologists, are questioning the wisdom of drinking the "healthy" standard of three to four glasses of milk every day.

They contend that milk is not essential to good health.

Among the evils attributed to milk are a long list of misdiagnosed or undiagnosed illnesses, including juvenile diabetes, asthma, chronic sinus infection, allergies, ear problems, headaches and muscle fatigue.

One medical journal recently published a study which shows that even children who test negative for dairy on allergy tests suffer nausea, acid reflux, diarrhea and other chronic intestinal problems which may be due to difficulty in digesting milk proteins.

Wow. I never imagined that milk could give you diarrhea.

If I didn't know any better, I would have to conclude that milk is poison.

Drinking milk must be a sin. We should have known better than to touch the Sacred Cows. The Nestle Quick Rabbit is the incarnation of the Devil. De-lactate or suffer a sinner's fate.

But wait a minute. I've been drinking milk for years. I like milk.

These revelations are difficult for we milk traditionalists to accept. Why does medical science mock us so?

I know people who swear by milk.

They drink milk with everything: cereal, steaks, pizza, hamburgers ... everything.

Some of you just can't get enough of it. You drink milk for your health.

Milk is an important component of your daily nutritional intake. Milk is your daily source of calcium, vitamin A and vitamin D. And some of you even hoard milk.

I won't give away any of your secrets, but I know some of you drink milk because you think it is "cool."

Effective advertising campaigns by the dairy industry have created peer pressure for you and your age group to drink milk.

Don't forget the milk industry's favorite maxim: "Milk. It does the body good" as the TV commercial says.

Seriously, who doesn't want to be that scrawny kid who grows up to be that handsome guy or that gorgeous woman?

It's milk peer pressure, pure and simple.

Has the media failed us? Did the milk industry executives deceive us? Were we foolish not to abandon our seemingly nourishing mother's milk? Is this evidence of infantilism in American culture? Is our society diseased by irrationality and superstition?

My friends, I have no answers to these deep philosophical questions. (Maybe you can solicit the many squirming campus politicos on the muddy campaign trail for their position on this controversial issue.)

I have only these three items of guidance:

* While you are a student at Rice, drink milk. Milk is one of the safer items provided by our friends over Central Kitchen. You can not afford to put your safety at risk by switching to CK alternatives.

* Don't ever tell your mother you are abstaining from milk. Unless you get a doctor's note showing you are lactose intolerant, she is going to write you out of the family will.

* Don't vote for any presidential candidates this year who accept campaign funds from the dairy industry.

Good luck on your personal quests for truth.

And never forget: You are what you eat.

Gerald Falchook is a Sid Richardson College senior.

This item appeared in the Opinion section of the February 23, 1996 issue.

Copyright © 1996 The Rice Thresher. All Rights Reserved.
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