Pickin' Up Chicks Misclass

---

There once was a guy named Bob,

Who had a Campo, then F & H job.

Saw him at the Pub

Offering free CK grub

And a bite of his corn on the cob.

Alas a certain girl he craves,

Now all his loving he saves;

To give her a thrill

Bob goes for the kill,

And her name is Maryana Iskander?

"Yeah, he used to throw joints out the window of Lovett Hall."

-- Anonymous prof.

Grad student one: "You stupid Pommie cunt!"

Grad student two: "I am not a Pommie cunt, you Irish bastard! I'm an Ozzie cunt ... And a mighty fine cunt I am, at that!"

-- Cultural conversation overheard at Valhalla.

"You just keep on banging away at it until it's all the way in the hole."

-- A Habitat for Humanity volunteer (while he was driving a nail).

Grad Student: "It's all about head. We used to snicker a lot about that, especially dynamic head."

Mech E (incredulous): "How could you not?"

-- Overheard at a fluids tutorial.

"Wait, I'm on crack here."

-- Richard Massey, ELEC 342

Billy: "Ref, why did you call that against us?"

Ref: "Because I called the last three in a row in your favor."

-- A conversation between one of our fine SWC referees and TCU basketball Head Coach Billy Tubbs.

Pavan: "Make it bigger."

Snehal: "Shut up, bitch, it doesn't get any bigger."

-- Overheard at the Briar.

Top Ten Elements of a Really Bad Party

10) Make people wait in line for at least half an hour.

9) Make sure it's in the rain.

8) Charge them money to get in.

7) Charge double for non-Rice guests of Rice students saying, "It's only the price of two mixed drinks at a bar," and then don't serve them drinks because their obviously valid out-of-state IDs don't have a Rice Campo sticker on the back.

(Imagine that, a guest who doesn't have a Rice sticker.)

6) Don't advertise that people should bring money with them.

5) Have alcohol, but only on two (consecutive) floors.

4) Get a really bad reggae band.

3) Don't serve any food or beverage of any kind on the floor with the really bad reggae band.

2) Don't let people -- who legally got their drinks with their valid IDs -- carry them from floor to floor.

1) Have it at Sid.

-- Submitted by Third Floor Brown.

-- The BPEs

RICE HABITAT FOR HUMANITY

Over spring break, 21 Rice students will travel to Honduras to build homes outside a squatter camp. This trip is organized by the Rice Chapter of Habitat for Humanity. In addition to fundraising, generous donations from administrators, student organizations and various individuals have yielded most of the $14,000 necessary. But the contributions to the group are still $1,300 short.

Most of us have been blessed with good fortune. Please consider donating a few of the dollars you have set aside for spring break to this worthy cause. If you are interested in making a donation to the Rice Chapter of Habitat for Humanity, call 790-9371. The Backpage thanks you for your consideration.

This item appeared in the Backpage section of the March 1, 1996 issue.

Copyright © 1996 The Rice Thresher. All Rights Reserved.
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The Rice Thresher, Rice University, 6100 Main, Houston, TX 77005-1892, USA.