COLUMN: Medieval studies not such a bad major

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by Chris McKenzie

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THE DEADLINE to file majors is near, and once again this year, the occasion is marked with hoards of sophomores hanging their heads at having to sign their life away to a particular academic pursuit.

Now that's just not the right attitude, folks. I mean, this should be a day of celebration!

So let's put the apostrophe back into Majors' Day and thank our lucky stars for them. Don't think your major's worth celebratin'?

Think that managerial studies and anthropology are about as low on the totem pole of usefulness as you can get? I got news for ya; I've got the least practical of all majors, and I'm still going out to get drunk tonight (if only to forget). My major: medieval studies!

Now don't run to the General Announcements looking it up, because I assure you it's there. Tucked neatly in between mechanical engineering and military science, medieval studies is one of the mysterious "inter-departmental majors" that Rice has adorned itself with.

There's not too many of us medieval studies majors (at last count, there were just three at Rice).

We like to think that makes us an elite group of Middle Age know-it-alls, but the truth is people don't want to major in medieval studies.

What people don't understand is that there are many privileges that go with being a medievalist.

Just ignore the fact that the only thing you can do with a medieval studies major is go to grad school and teach.

As a medievalist, you can start unique conversations at parties.

If I only had a sous for every time I've had the following conversation:

Them: So, what's your major?

Me: Uh, medieval studies ...

Them: Medieval studies ... cool. What are you going to do with it?

People do think that it's cool. The only reason they hesitate to say so is that they suddenly sense themselves in the presence of a mental giant, for only a true intellectual would dedicate themselves to something so (God forgive me) useless.

But that's all part of the great myth of medievalists; we have as much claim on the title "mental giant" as Beavis and Butthead.

In fact, we work and think less than all of you. After all, everything that's ever going to happen in our field has already happened.

There'll be no big advances making The Song of Roland obsolete.

Nor will there ever be any more Crusades (unless Pat Buchanan gets elected president). The actual concept of being a "medievalist" has its perks too.

Try the title on for a while, and see how it suits you.

When you introduce yourself to someone, add "medievalist" on for effect. Watch your popularity skyrocket. (And gentlemen, women love a medievalist in a vest and jeans!)

Still not convinced? Consider where the world would be without the study of the Middle Ages: Monty Python would've never looked for the Holy Grail.

There'd be no Lord of the Rings . No "Miller's Tale"--the bawdiest thing they let you read in high school. No decent German opera (not that the ones with medieval themes are all that decent anyway). No RenFest (it poses as a "Renaissance Festival," but we medievalists know better). No line in Pulp Fiction : "I'm gonna get medieval on your a**!"

So become a medieval studies major today; we're lonely! And while the rest of you are out moping over Majors Day, we medievalists will be out drinking ale, wearing Medieval Fair T-shirts and singing dirty French love songs. Celebrate!

Chris McKenzie is a Will Rice College senior.

This item appeared in the Opinion section of the March 1, 1996 issue.

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