Welcome to the Revolution, Baby

---

A hearty hello from those of us on the Backpage to those of you in the Rice community. It is our sincerest hope that any quality journalism you might see on the previous pages of this issue will not mislead you into thinking that Marty and Vivek made wise staff choices this year. In actuality, they screwed up royally by putting us back here. Nevertheless, we will strive to bring you the "original" and "relevant" humor Vivek thinks is appropriate.

This Backpage will not be a device used by either of us to slander our enemies. Comments like, "Dave Gordon's mom is a sloppy, stinky whore" and "Mark Peterman knows dick about officiating and throws games for sexual favors" merely make public feuds that are best kept private. Furthermore, Peterman is blind and Gordo and his gang of photo-altering, motherless bastards are too busy collecting cans (to pay for his pregnant sister's heroin addiction) to read the Backpage anyway. You have our word on your mother's grave that we will not corrupt the sanctity of this section for personal gain.

Furthermore, this section will not be a place to mock the administration that works so hard to make Rice the wonderful place it is. However, since none of the Student Center professional staff actually work, they are fair game. We have also been advised by university general counsel, Shirley Redwine, that snide comments such as, "Bob Truscott is a drunk, cradle-robbing, beer-mooching pub pirate" are not humorous and are slanderous. Lawsuits for libel are not funny, even if the plaintiff does suck dead bunnies through a straw. This section will not mock the people that we know students respect.

Finally, this Backpage will not contain excessively foul language. The gratuitous use of words like shit, fuck, cocksucker, motherfucker, douchebag, Maryana and asshole detract from the good, wholesome fun that you have come to know and expect from this section. Plus, they really aren't funny. Not fucking funny at all.

This page is a space for your humorous anecdotes. That is why we beg you to submit misclass, jokes, naked pictures of your family, Orgo test answers or anything else that might be amusing. This page cannot work without your help, and you really don't want us pasting stuff from the Internet again. We hope that you enjoy the section! God bless you and have a really tremendous year. -- Chuck and Nate

This item appeared in the Backpage section of the April 12, 1996 issue.

Copyright © 1996 The Rice Thresher. All Rights Reserved.
This document may be distributed electronically, provided that it is distributed in its entirety and includes this notice. However, it cannot be reprinted without the express written permission of:
The Rice Thresher, Rice University, 6100 Main, Houston, TX 77005-1892, USA.