First Annual * Willy** Awards

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It's the end of the year, and that means it's award season. While the administration gives out awards based on merit, the Backpage has decided to give its awards on a more meaningful basis -- your vote. The winners in each of these categories will receive the privilege of watching the BPEs drink their beer and pass out on their couches. So cast your vote (or votes if you're so inclined) today at backpage@rice.edu . We may actually count them. If we have lots of free time, we might even post the results. Write-ins are welcome, even though they don't count.

*Actually, we'll use this gimmick whenever we're desperate for ideas

**Not the statue, not the pub, not the whale -- you figure it out.

The Marty Makulski "I'll Bring Your Purity Score Into the Teens for Your Vote" Award for Politico of the Year

* Maryana "Two terms and the fools still buy this shit" Iskander

* Chet "One for the SA, two for me ..." Kapoor

* Ryan "Conflict of whose interest?" Levy

* Marty and Vivek "Edit this, motherfucker!" Beard-Rao

The SRC "Couch? I Didn't See Any Couch" Award for Worst Campus Party

* Sid's "Fifty dollars is a fair charge for a party this rad" Tower Party

* Sid's "If you're drunk enough, polka sounds pretty bitchin'" Oktoberfest

* Will Rice's "Doesn't everyone sit around playing Pac-Man and masturbating?" Atari Party

Graeme Rankin "Shafted by The Man" Award

* Stephe "The Evil Sammy" Gallagher

* Liz "Oh God, Bob!" Graves

* Wiess "Sinking Schminking" College

Alberto Youngblood "Most Likely to Be Raped in Prison" Award

* Stephe "These handcuffs are chafing me" Gallagher

* Alberto "Am I pitching or catch- ing?" Youngblood

* Bob "She said she was legal" Truscott

Sarah Nelson Crawford "I Get a Paycheck for This?" Award

* Ken "I swear we're the defending SWC champs" Hatfield

* The Student Center professional staff

* Mark "Who you gonna believe -- the rule book or me?" Peterman

The "Sure This Is My ID" Award for Contributions to Undergraduate Alchoholism

* Willy's "Wristband, `X,' same friggin' difference" Pub

* Jones "The alcohol policy doesn't apply to off-campus parties" Col- lege

* Max's "If you're taller than the keg, then you're old enough to drink it" Liquor Store

The Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker Holy Evangelical "The BPEs are Going to Rot in Hell" Award for Religious Fervor and Commitment to Campus Wide Propaganda

* Campus "Jesus is our club presi- dent" Crusade for Christ

* Campus "If I'm failing orgo, it's 'cause God wants it that way" Crusade for Christ

* Campus "The more ads, the more converts" Crusade for Christ

* Campus "Intolerance is OK if God says so" Crusade for Christ

The "I Was Tenured Before You Were Born" Lifetime Achievement Award

* Dennis "Of course I'm alive, check my fucking pulse!" Huston

* Gilbert "Doc C.-- the man, the myth, the legend" Cuthbertson

* Bill "Please don't tear down my home" Wilson

The "Who the Hell Is That Serial-killer Looking Motherfucker" Award for Scariest Person on Campus

* The little guy in the Pub with the glasses and the Rice hat who buys you beer if you're a guy and grabs your ass if you're a girl

* The Joey Ramone look-alike who wears the same leather jacket every day and smells like a corpse

* Ryan Levy

The New York Times Award for Oustanding Journalism

* Nate Blair and Chuck Whitten

This item appeared in the Backpage section of the April 26, 1996 issue.

Copyright © 1996 The Rice Thresher. All Rights Reserved.
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