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The Rice Thresher
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Garret Merriam Is it just me, or have we become totally fixated with the issue of capital punishment? Since the reinstatement of the death penalty in 1976, we have become more divided than the seat of Rush Limbaugh's pants as he bends over to pick up a quarter. Save abortion, I can't think of a single issue with more passionate advocates on each side. Waiting for the controversy over capital punishment to be resolved is like waiting for a cable repairman named Godot to show up. What amazes me most about all of this passion and fervor is the fact that, on the grand scale of things, it really doesn't make a lick of difference. Oh sure, it matters to the guy who gets the needle in his arm, and it's an issue of concern to the families of his victims, but it doesn't really touch the rest of us one way or the other. Do proponents of the death penalty really think death is a worse punishment than life in prison? Have you seen the state of our prison system these days? These places are so purgatorial that Dante should be taking notes. Hell, if anything, I'd say that execution is a merciful and favorable alternative to being incarcerated with this mˇlange of Darwin's elite. Any sensible person would rather be skewered to death by toothpicks. The interests of justice aren't perverted just because a murderer spends 40 years dying of dysentery rather than getting a shot of Liquid Plumber in his veins. Either way, the guy's not going to be making the same mistake twice. On the other hand, opponents of the death penalty make it seem like all we've ever done is execute innocent grandmothers. Of course, there are probably a significant amount of innocent people getting whacked each year by the state. But as I said before, the alternative to dying for something you didn't do is spending the rest of your life as some 7-foot tall Neanderthal's girlfriend. Critics of the death penalty often claim that it's a racist system, evidenced by the fact that African-Americans make up 12 percent of the general population but 55 percent of death row inmates in Texas. But men only make up 48 percent of the population and they consist of 98.5 percent of the death row population. If we're going to point out the prejudices of the system, sexism seems like a much more plausible complaint. I'll admit that when you look at the numbers, it certainly looks like a racist system. But if watching O.J. do his little soft-shoe number right out of the front of courtroom taught us anything, it's that the only color the court has a bias toward is green. It used to be "innocent until proven guilty." Now it's "innocent until proven rich." Both sides argue back and forth about the question of the deterrent effect. Proponents claim that statistics show the threat of the death penalty lowers the homicide rate. Opponents claim the statistics show there is no demonstrative correlation between the threat of capital punishment and crime deterrence of any kind. If this proves anything, it's that statistics show that statistics are full of shit. The penal system sucks - there's no denying it. A moratorium on the death penalty for the purposes of researching the costs, benefits and biases in the system is certainly a good idea. But we should be skeptical about how much resolution such a study would bring. Both sides will undoubtedly take any findings as evidence in favor of their position. Dogmatists never let the facts get in the way of their position. So what's my point? I know capital punishment is a divisive issue. On the one hand, it's an imperfect, morally questionable and often mistaken system. On the other hand, as Bill Hicks pointed out, without it we'd have no Easter. But we make way too big of an issue out of it. We all need to take a collective chill pill and realize that one way or the other, people will get what's coming to them and things will work out. If you believe in capital punishment, fine. Advocate it, vote for it, support it all you want. But don't show up outside a prison on the night someone gets sent to the electric chair and applaud when you see the lights dim. If you oppose capital punishment, I'd love to hear your arguments against it. But seriously folks, all of your bumper stickers are starting to piss me off. Garret Merriam is a graduate student in philosophy.
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