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Rock the vote at amihotornot.com
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Homecoming T-shirt celebrates BPEs
We at the Backpage are feelin' the love from the Rice community. First of all, we were deeply moved when we saw our logo, S&M, displayed so prominently on the homecoming T-shirts, forever preserved in 100 percent cotton. Obviously, the Backpage has become, both literally and symbolically, the fabric of our lives. We thank you for this tremendous honor.
In addition to this public gesture of support, we have also received a flurry of encouraging e-mails from individual students. Apparently our work has touched them deeply and they want to tell us exactly what they think of us. We would like to take this opportunity to respond to some of the fan mail that floods our inboxes daily.
You people, in your quest to be 'cool,' are out to destroy anything that's weird or different. Anything that won't play by your little rules.
S: Very true. Just yesterday, I killed this weird looking bug in my room.
M: Easy for you to say. But if I didn't play football by "my little rules," I would get destroyed. That's why I need the stun gun and the pepper spray.
When you graduate, you will 'network' to get jobs you hate.
S: Hey Mark, got any relatives in the meat packing industry?
M: I'm off to med school. Later, loser.
You tend to be politicos, the types who would pledge a fraternity or sorority if you could. Pub partiers and Backpage editors.
S: Hey, you're right! We ARE Backpage editors. How astute!
M: I am SUCH a politico. Oh how I yearn for the glory of the SA presidency! Curse you Lindsay Botsford!
Always trying to keep up with the latest trends and be 'cooler' than each other.
S: Check out my new Kate Spade purse! Now I'm 'cooler' than you, Mark. Beat that, Bugle Boy.
M: Kate is SO five minutes ago, Sarah. Check out MY Prada handbag!
You will form shallow relationships with people.
S: Yeah, the only reason I work with Mark is due to his massive pecs.
M: Actually, I got engaged last summer. But only because the chick is REALLY hot.
Your lives will be empty. You will turn on each other.
S: I hate you, Mark.
M: Burn in hell, Sarah.
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It's common knowledge that Rice students care as much about elections as they do about keeping up with the latest fashion trends. (You don't see many Trilogy T-shirts or jean shorts on the Paris runways. Très lame!) Only 245 undergraduates participated in last year's SA elections. Things slightly improved in the recent Homecoming elections, with about 700 votes cast. But that's still fewer people than attended NOD. No wonder the administration continues to enjoy the stranglehold of its totalitarian regime. Where has democracy gone? Did George Washington freeze his ass off at Valley Forge in vain? Did Che roam the jungles of South America with a semi-automatic rifle just for kicks? Yeah, probably. Who wouldn't?
Thanks to our founding fathers, we too have the freedom to run around with guns. We also have the freedom to vote. So why don't we exercise that right? Perhaps Rice students simply are not concerned about trifling issues like who will rule the free world for the next four years. We at the Backpage searched long and hard for an issue that would hit a nerve on campus; we wanted an idea that would break through years of apathy and spark heartfelt interest.
We found that issue at a place called http://www.amihotornot.com.
This site allows people to submit photos of themselves and find out from fellow Internet users whether they are hot or not. In an epiphanatic flash of brilliance, we invented a new adjective. We also realized that this idea could be used to bring together two concepts championed by Rice students: superficiality and college rivalry.
You could call it a sociological experiment. You could call it an easy way to take up space. You'd be right on both counts. Here's the deal, kids. The college presidents have submitted their most provocative photos for your viewing pleasure. It's up to you to decide who's hot and who's not.
To vote, just go to http://www.owlnet.rice.edu/~morton/amihot. All it takes is a couple of clicks to either make your president into a campus-wide sex symbol or destroy their confidence for many years to come. Isn't this fun?
The election results will be published and meticulously analyzed in the next S&M backpage.
So grab that mouse and show the administration and America that the voice of Rice students will not go unheard.
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Misclass returns with a vengeance
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"Smalley's on his way out. I'm movin' in. I'm gonna own this place."
- Dr. Hutchinson at Wiess Associates' Night
"I wish I had a robotic girlfriend. Then I could turn her on whenever I wanted."
"You'd better buy electric 'cause gas is expensive."
-Two Wiess engineers
"Upgrading from Windows 95 to Windows 2000 is the most pleasurable thing I have ever done."
- Will Rice junior
Just wait until you install Linux!
"Get your pelvis away from mine!"
-Overheard in LPAP Latin Ballroom class
"Women will lead you astray. Better stick to foosball."
-Wiess underclassman
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"Yeah, what would be really great would be if we had some sort of funnel so we could drain the attic. Hey! That beer bong would work. Can we use that?"
- F&H employee at Wiess
"I think I might be turned off sex forever."
- Wiess sophomore
With only Rice students to choose from, why are you surprised?
"D is for cookie. That's good enough for me!"
- Sid Beer-Bike coordinator
"It's hard to draw Gillis as a stick figure."
- Will Rice senior
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