A Liberal Education

A dirt-poor sharecropper from West Texas was determined that his children would not suffer from a lack of education as he had been forced to endure. He sent his daughter to Rice University. During her senior year, oil was struck on his land, making him an instant multimillionaire. He decided to send a million to Rice as a Christmas gift for educating his daughter.

Alumni of another university heard about it and tried to persuade him to give the money to another school. “At Rice, they have lost all control over supervision of immorality. Rumor has it that boys and girls matriculate together,” he was told.

“That’s a dirty lie,” he replied.

“Not only that, but anyone who wants to can look at anybody’s thesis.”
“Shut your mouth. There’s women and children around here.”

“That’s not all. I know for a fact that both sexes use the same curriculum.”

“Well, we’ll just see about this! I’ll write ’em a letter and get some answers before I play Santa Claus for those folks.”

The letter was sent, and Rice flew a high official down to calm his fears.
Afterwards, the competing university spokesman approached the prospective benefactor again.

“What about everybody using the same curriculum?”

“It don’t make no difference. It’s all done by machines.”

“What about looking at each other’s thesis?”

“Done by doctors; it’s just written down and put in the library.”

“Well, didn’t I tell you about matriculating together?”

“Yep, he said that part was true.”

“Well, then, surely you’re not going to give them the money?”

“Yep, I sure am. Shoot, I was young once myself.”

Reprinted with thanks from ‘Doc’ Blakely’s Pokin’ Fun column, which appears regularly in the Wharton, Texas, Journal–Spectator. This piece ran in the December 12, 2001, issue.

—Doc’ Blakely